By Ginger Vieira

Insulin Envy

I have insulin envy. Not every day (well, yes, every day). But some days it feels stronger than others.

You insulin-producers. I envy you.

I have insulin envy.

I envy that moment when you get up in the morning and—instead of immediately pricking your finger to bleed for the millionth time—you just start your day.

I envy that moment when you eat your breakfast peacefully while watching the morning news…or even in a rush as you head the door…and—instead of calculating carbohydrate quantities and insulin doses and jabbing another sharp object into your flesh, and hope it all works out the way it’s supposed to—you just eat your food. Period. You eat it. Enjoy it. Taste it. And move on.

I envy your workday that flows uninterrupted by low blood sugar sweats, headaches, and a desperate search for the juice box that will save your life. I envy your business meetings where you can focus on the discussion instead of secretly worrying that the reason you’re starting to feel hot and flushed isn’t because your boss turned the heat up but because your blood sugar is plummeting.

I envy your ability to hop up during your lunch break, pop into the gym or local yoga class without a second’s thought as long as you’ve got your gym clothes and sneakers. You just go. You show up, you start. You enjoy. And then you eat your lunch quickly as you drive back to your office. No planning or priming or temp-basaling or carb-estimating or worrying or pricking or lows or highs.

Just exercise. I envy your ability to just show up and exercise.

Envy. Envy. Envy.

I envy that moment when you decide you’re ready to go to bed and fall asleep…and you just go and do that. There’s no finger-pricking, no worrying about whether or not you’ll be safe. No questioning the dose of insulin you gave for your late dinner…knowing that insulin will be active for the next several hours while you’re sleeping and unaware what’s going on.

I envy your ability to roll over in bed and not have to watch out for one of the various gadgets attached to your body.

I envy your immune system. That silly immune system that just does what it’s supposed to.

Envy. Envy. Envy.

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